After much thought (and a very sleepless night on my behalf), I have come to a series of realizations about my life:
First, what am I doing in college? This is a serious waste of money. I can't believe what I'm doing here. And seriously, what is there to study? Math, Literature, History, Philosophy? Well I could find a better job without a liberal arts degree in gobbledygook! That's why I propose that I drop out after this horrible semester and gather my $75 deposit for my room next year that I will not be using. Forget you 303 Oakridge! I have better things to!
This comes to my second point. I'm fantastic. There's no denying it. You all have been telling me that for ages, so why limit my fantasticness here in Eau Clare/Green Bay, or Wisconsin for that matter. And while we're on this track, I should just leave this country while I'm ahead. I'm going to start my European cross country tour of awesome. I'll take my frequent flyer miles that is enough to take me anywhere in the world, but can't take me home, and fly to some capital city in Europe (probably London). With that said, I will backpack across Europe spreading my awesomeness and being submurged in the European culture which is about 100 times better than the ignorant American culture I'm accustomed to.
Some spots I'll hit for sure are London.....I mean come on. Doctor Who. I'm sure if I wait around London enough some 925 Time Lord from Gallifrey will pick me up in his TARDIS and we can have galactic time traveling adventures together.
If London doesn't work, I also want to go to other European highlights and eventually crossover into Asia...since the continents are connected. You may never hear or speak to me again, but hey! Other people are experiencing the joy of knowing me, and that has obviously been wasted on the general public of UWEC. Just imagine, I don't have to jump over puke when walking to the bathroom! This plight needs to end now, and since I don't see that happening, a European tour is the only thing that can happen.
I can hear it now, "how are you going to support yourself?" That's easy! Everyone will be amazed by my American accent and how awesome I am and just assume that I'm someone famously awesome of just filthy awesome. They would believe that honor would be theirs if they would take care of me and welcome me into their homes like their long lost daughter. Again, if that doesn't work, I have a plan B.
My plan B is to quickly abort my European tour of awesome and change it to my African tour of goodwill. Think of the many plights I can conquer with my awesomeness! The situation in Darfur, AIDS, poverity, people living in sin. I can spend the rest of my life converting people to Christianity, help find a cure for AIDS (which will just be something like Jesus and puppys), and then I can mediate the crisis in Darfur. I think that with my good graces, I will get a Noble Peace Prize and reverse the biast views of the world on how lame Americans are.
With that said, I would like to wish you all and April Fool's Day.
REMEMBER I'M SUPER AWESOME!!!!!!!